Senioritis

I am a senior getting reading to graduate from college, and I'm sick with "senoritis". Not the normal kind where you are so excited to graduate you can't focus on the present, but I am sick with worry and wonderment over my future.

My symptoms include inability to focus and regular mental distraction as my mind is filled with questions I can't answer: What do I want to do not that I am "free?" Where will I be next time this year? What is in my future?

Post-graduation seems both an exciting adventure and a deep dark abyss. I can't help but feeling that leaving college is like jumping (falling or being pushed...) off the edge of a cliff into the unknown. It's a leap of faith and an unpreventable falling forward.

Additional symptoms of my senioritis include increased sentiment. I find myself cutting out newspaper clippings and keeping ticket stubs and such relating to BYU and the experiences I am having at college. I always have my camera handy to take pictures of any good time. I have a list of "fun things to do and places to eat in Provo" that I am working on with my roomates (I can't believe we only have 6 weeks left together!). I try to go to any BYU sporting event or random BYU activity.

Today was the last BYU Basketball game of the season. Soaking in the atmosphere of the student section and letting the memories from this year flood back the reality of graduation hit me. I I don't know where I will be this time next year. But it likely won't be here. This is it. This was not only Fredette and Emery's last game at the Marriott Center, it was mine too. As my roommates embraced me and smiled sentimentally saying "this is the last game" I remembered a similar moment months ago after the last football game. These "last games" are like stepping stones moving me closer to graduation and the time when it will really be my "last" at BYU.

It's been a good four years. And don't get me wrong, I am READY to graduate and I realize graduating isn't dying, and I will probably still be around for lots of BYU games and such in the future... probably, but who knows.

All I know right now is this senior year has been a year that will be difficult to let go, and one that will be forever remembered.